The Spiral Path

I wanted to start blogging again, but as I forced myself to draft something, all I could think was, “I can’t see how to get where I want to go. Opportunities are passing me by. I’ve lost my connections to things that used to sustain me. I feel old and worn out. I don’t want to feel old. I can reconnect to things that are important to me, right? There’s no way I’ve missed all my chances. It’s okay that I can’t see the way forward. I know I just need to start, but it’s so hard. It seems as though I keep dragging myself back to the same starting line.”

That didn’t sound like much of a blog post, but it immediately put me in mind of a song I’d forgotten. The song says exactly what I was thinking far more eloquently than I could. I particularly like the line, “Forget the ghosts that make you old before your time.” I don’t think I qualify as “old” yet by any reasonable standard, but when I’m troubled by memories from the recent past, I can’t summon enthusiasm or hope, and the “before times” seem like a lifetime ago, I feel old. The fact that someone wrote a song about wrestling with this kind of despair reminds me that I’m not alone.

I’ve updated the blog tagline to “walking the spiral path in 2023.” The spiral path is a common concept in modern Paganism: the idea that we progress through cycles, like the Wheel of the Year, returning but never repeating. I feel like I’m starting over – this blog, my spiritual practice, who I am and what I’m doing more generally – but I’m not starting from scratch. I’ve learned things, I’ve made decisions, I’ve gotten somewhat older and hopefully a little bit wiser. I’m returning, but I’m not repeating.