Pagan Holly

I’ve been learning as much as I can about Paganism and I’ve realized there’s so much I don’t know. I was already aware of my ignorance in a general sense. Although I’ve been Pagan for years, I still think of myself as new to this. Now, though, I have a much better idea of where, specifically, my knowledge is lacking…and critically, I understand how to change that. Every time I say something like this, a handful of well-meaning (always male) friends tell me I shouldn’t be hard on myself, that I’m actually pretty smart, etc. So let me be clear. The things I’m saying here have absolutely nothing to do with “low self-esteem.” This is not me “being hard on myself.” And I know I’m smart. Becoming aware of the limits of my knowledge is evidence that I am learning. I find this exciting! It means I’m facing a challenge and I can see which direction I need to go to overcome it.  As of right now, there are 24 primary source texts on my to-read list. There are 57 modern Paganism and witchcraft...

I wanted to start blogging again, but as I forced myself to draft something, all I could think was, “I can’t see how to get where I want to go.  Opportunities are passing me by. I’ve lost my connections to things that used to sustain me. I feel old and worn out. I don’t want to feel old. I can reconnect to things that are important to me, right? There’s no way I’ve missed all my chances. It’s okay that I can’t see the way forward. I know I just need to start, but it’s so hard. It seems as though I keep dragging myself back to the same starting line.” That didn’t sound like much of a blog post, but it immediately put me in mind of a song I’d forgotten . The song says exactly what I was thinking far more eloquently than I could. I particularly like the line, “Forget the ghosts that make you old before your time.” I don’t think I qualify as “old” yet by any reasonable standard, but when I’m troubled by memories from the recent past, I can’t summon enthusiasm or hope, and the “before t...