I’ve been learning as much as I can about Paganism and I’ve realized there’s so much I don’t know. I was already aware of my ignorance in a general sense. Although I’ve been Pagan for years, I still think of myself as new to this. Now, though, I have a much better idea of where, specifically, my knowledge is lacking…and critically, I understand how to change that.
Every time I say something like this, a handful of well-meaning (always male) friends tell me I shouldn’t be hard on myself, that I’m actually pretty smart, etc. So let me be clear. The things I’m saying here have absolutely nothing to do with “low self-esteem.” This is not me “being hard on myself.” And I know I’m smart. Becoming aware of the limits of my knowledge is evidence that I am learning. I find this exciting! It means I’m facing a challenge and I can see which direction I need to go to overcome it.
As of right now, there are 24 primary source texts on my to-read list. There are 57 modern Paganism and witchcraft books. There are 22 scholarly books. There are 16 bloggers whose writing I want to check out. There are 8 podcasts I want to listen to and 3 long-form videos I have saved to watch. I’m aware that there are hundreds of other authors, bloggers, and content creators whose work I have yet to discover (and I have a sense of where to go looking for it all). As I type this, I’m thinking of books I forgot to list and better ways to organize my notes so that I don’t leave anything out by mistake. I’m thinking critically about the balance between the types of sources I’ve listed here and whether I need to change that balance in order to learn what I most need to know. And I’m asking questions that I know will lead me to more sources, more knowledge, and greater awareness of even more things I don’t know.
I’m familiar with this process; I have extensive experience in academia. But Paganism is religion, not academia (or worse, a book collection). Learning from books (or podcasts, or videos) is not central to Paganism the way I practice it. Scholarship is important and necessary. I think this is particularly true when practicing a relatively new religion that has very few institutions. But more important to a religion based on orthopraxy, not orthodoxy – as far as I can tell, the many Paganisms have this aspect in common – is doing stuff. Praying. Making offerings. Meditating. Spending time outside. Living in a way that promotes the virtues of the Gods. Although I’ve heard that Pagans are called “the people of the library,” regular practice and firsthand experience are at the heart of Paganism as I know it.
So I will be reading those books and listening to those podcasts and watching those videos. But I will also be engaging directly with nature, with magic, and with the Gods. Because that’s the only way I’m going to learn what I want to know.
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